I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize