meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
