i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
