this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
