we're chasing vodka with high fives
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
