he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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