I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
