Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
