So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My vagina is officially offended.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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