i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize