i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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