Please, let me fuck your mom
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
God, I missed his penis.
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