Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
