Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
