He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
