I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
