I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
