there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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