what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
