just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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