Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
