You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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