Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
