Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
