her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
