Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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