you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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