I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
