My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
