Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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