Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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