so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
