and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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