You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We have started to decorate penises.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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