The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize