I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
