you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
