is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
