I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
