if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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