Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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