I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
