You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
