ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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