He uses pillows to masturbate.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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