So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
