I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she peed on how many people?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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