Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
