I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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