i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
