i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I love having hate sex.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
