I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
