Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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