Im at strip club and am horny
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
