I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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