I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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