Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
