I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
