at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
