Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
