you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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