porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
