how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
