my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
