I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
