What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
