I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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